i just told my parents that i’m not happy, and that i haven’t been in awhile. this all came about after my mom started telling me that i am not old enough or mature enough to go to a concert next week. i tried to tell them that i had to get those tickets, that one of the main reasons that i am so persistent about this is because that having something to look forward to once in awhile is a really nice thing. it makes me feel a little bit better when there is something on the horizon that i can get excited about, other than looking forward to the moment i drift off to sleep because lately that’s the most i can muster. ever since my dad got sick i’ve lost my zest towards anything but the things that can completely get me excited (mainly music related events- concerts, album releases). waking up in the same fucking situation every day to the same fucking headaches is taking a toll. i’m not usually one to dwell on the negative but i can’t help but notice that i’m not happy anymore. being with my friends makes that better because at least then i can laugh and relax, but when i go home, i close myself off. i’m just sick of living like this. i can’t live like this. if i could i would get out on my own but i know that’s not reasonable and i couldn’t bear to leave my dad behind because he is the only person on the fucking earth that i actually truly care about. but of course every day he is growing weaker and eventually i know he’s not going to be around anymore. i know that. and it hurts. when that’s looming ahead of you it’s hard to get up in the morning and be excited about what’s coming your way because nothing, no matter how good, will allow you to escape the fact that you’re going to have to say goodbye.